A lot of people accuse me of thinking too much. I do. I don't really care. Why is everyone afraid of thinking too much? I do it all the time, and while it adds a slight amount of stress to my life I'm very, very rarely caught off-guard. Honestly, I don't see what's so bad or frightening about considering every conceivable possibility and then weeding out the unlikely outliers to determine what is most likely to happen?
Predictably I've been thinking a lot about the future possibilities with Hannah. I didn't mention in my last post that on our hike Hannah mentioned she was "excited to date." And by "date", she meant "date around." She said she only wanted to go on casual dates with me at this time. As much as I don't like this idea, I recognize it as a wise(and probably the best) choice.
I feel like I'm placed at a disadvantage, however. To give an example that I feel is easiest to understand I'll refer back to my time dating Liz. So when Liz and I were down at school she lived one floor directly above me in the residence halls. After we started dating sometimes when I asked if she wanted to get together she would, understandably, say she really needed to get some homework done or study, and she'd say she'd come visit when she was done if it wasn't too late. Because of our dating I felt a certain responsibility to accept her answer and let her focus on that. Unfortunately the other guys in the the building didn't not have such obligations, and most nights they would go and visit Liz and her roommates and the ensuing distraction usually resulted in Liz finishing up when it was "too late."
Flash-Forward back to now: I feel I'm in a similar situation with Hannah. Because of our past I feel responsible(see: obligated) to respect her wishes and give her space, more space than I would if I were some new guy who was interested in her. I have to limit myself while the competition has no such qualms. In that way I feel I'm at an instant and constant disadvantage in this race.
It's like playing Whiffleball with Littlebro, I don't want to ALWAYS crush him, so I keep it close. Every now and then, however, something goes wrong, he hits a timely homerun, or catches a clutch line drive, and I end up with the big "L".
I guess in my spectrum of foreseeable outcomes there is a range from John Cusack in Serendipity to Joseph Gordon Levitt in (500) Days of Summer.