Bipolarity

I've totally been feeling bipolar the last week or two.


My range of emotion has been capable of jumping from anger and sulking sadness to happiness and near-euphoric excitement from second to second at times.


Honestly, I'm not surprised.  I have a lot to be angry and sad about, as well as a lot to be happy and excited about right now.


Hannah posting pictures of her and this new dude on facebook: ...awesome...

Eleven days until I leave for New York:  !!!AWESOME!!!


Getting the class average on an exam: epic fail

Date on Friday:  WINNING!


I'm pretty much conditioning myself when it comes to Hannah, Pavlov style.  Thought about Hannah slips in?  I think about Quidditch, maybe some Zoolander, Monty Python, or Dr. Horrible Quotes.


Avoiding/Repressing your emotions.  Who, me?  Never.

"The Chick Magnet" and "Old Habits Die Hard"

Today we were fundraising on campus, which was really fun, cold, and successful.  We ended up making about three times as much as I thought we would.  I also think I just about septupled the number of people I've met on campus.  A few funny stories.  Remember how I mention my issues with my own personal "ugly duckling syndrome"?  Here comes a good example of how silly it is:


So I ended up staying to help at the fundraiser from the time my last class let out until we picked up and went home, almost six hours in all, most of it begging, guilting, or pretty much any other shameless behavior-ing people into buying our goods.  Towards the end of the sale I saw this cute brunette(and remember, I'm usually partial to blondes...) walk through campus kind of eying our table whom I waved to.  

Hint one: After I waved Unnamed Cute Brunette(UCB) immediately and completely changed her trajectory to come and see what was going on.  

Hint two: In the same turning motion UCB slyly removed her glasses, a move I've utilized a few times, let's face it, many of us have vision problems but we don't always feel the most attractive while correcting them.  

Now I don't want to come off as giantly big-headed right now, but I felt pretty good about how I looked at the time, especially considering I had been up for nearly 20 hours by this point in the day, but I feel like I look pretty attractive with my newly shortened hair and about 24-48 hours worth of scruff, it says, "Hey, I'm a clean-cut guy... kinda."


I wish I could tell you that after talking to UCB for a bit I got her number and a date, but in the end, even after immediately recognizing these two hints of interest my true nature won out.  And by 'true nature' I mean the one that's still an awkward, shy, geeky 14 year-old.  I ended up talking to UCB for a couple minutes about why we were out there, she bought some of our baked goods, then I got made fun of for missing that chance...  

Disappointing?  Slightly.  But I really had so much fun sitting in the cold with my friends trying to hoc our cupcakes and cookies!

The Geek in Me

It's time to go undercover again.

I have to say, growing up and becoming comfortable with the nerd you are is for suckers.


Don't get me wrong, I'm not ashamed of my geekiness, in the end it's what, I believe, sets me apart from other guys.  No, this move is strictly strategic in nature.


The problem is pop culture, when people use the terms geek or nerd to describe people, the images that come to mind are:

Which, unfortunately, is an accurate portrayal sometimes...


Anyway, there's a stigma with being a self-proclaimed nerd/geek, and considering my success when I kept my nerdiness hidden from all but a select few, I think it's time to try again.


It makes me a little sad.  I think the geek in me has a lot to offer.  I'm passionate about a broad range of things, which means that I usually have many things in common with girls I'm interested in.  Also I'm reasonably smart, my geekiness was channeled in such a way that causes me to want to learn... everything.


But, hey, those qualities can be expressed without necessarily admitting to the extent of my nerdom.  I goal is to suppress the nerd until people realize I'm a pretty cool guy, then slowly expose the geek when they already like me enough to accept it.  When you're up front about it people just jump to conclusions about you.  And to be honest I'm just really tired of having to constantly defend the nerdy things I'm passionate about.

Can't win 'em all...

Most of my friends will tell you I'm cocky, and I could afford to be knocked down a couple of notches.  However, I'm well aware of my short-comings.  I like to keep my short-comings light, though, and remind myself that you can't win 'em all.  

I feel like there are five spheres of my personal life: Social, Academic, Romantic, Athletic, Career, and I have to allocate my success to each.  It seems a lot of the time I'll have zero success in one sphere in exchange for slightly more success in the other spheres.  Currently I'm having zero success in the romance department, I feel like I'm not interested in the people who are interested in me, and that the people I am interested are shedding points like crazy recently.  I don't feel like I can really complain too much, I mean school and work is going well, I've made more friends through quidditch in the last month than I have overall in the last couple years.

I think the problem is that I KNOW I'm being too picky when it comes to who I'm interested in.  I wish I wasn't having luck with dating because I'm being who I am(well, scratch that, I'm pretty sure quidditch has been hurting my chances with people...), but the main reason is simply that I'm too picky.  I'm a George Costanza, I meet girls that seem cool, then I scrutinize their every flaw until I'm not interested.  I wouldn't say I'm necessarily focusing on small flaws, but it comes back to the issue I always have, I'm looking for that perfect balance of qualities I look for.  While I find girls who are awesome, I always find something missing that I want.  I don't really know what to do apart from just forgetting about dating for a while.  Sounds good!

In other news, I had lunch with Hannah today.  We went to a little Greek place near campus which was actually amazing, I forgot how much grilled salmon is superior to broiled and I decided I may need to invest in a little charcoal barbeque.  During the course of the meal as we were talking Hannah mentioned that there was someone she was interested in.  Cool.  I pretty much went into this mode of thinking where I become completely aware of what my face looks like, and I alter my facial expression to hide what I'm actually thinking.  To be honest it hurt a little, it's the old "It's not that she didn't want to be with anyone, it's that she didn't want to be with me." kind of thing.  Luckily for me I recovered from the staggering blow, at my job you get skilled at acting like you care when you really don't, so I asked questions as if I were interested, even though I wasn't.  Good times.


Don't get me wrong, Hannah is cool, and I care about her a lot and want her to be happy in the long run, but let's face it, I've joined the dark side, I was angry, defiant, etc. so I went home and channeled that emotion for good by getting in a (too) difficult workout and more food.


Did I mention I leave for New York City in 2.5 weeks with the Quidditch team?  It's pretty sweet, I'm excited to go back to the City, we have some sweet touristy things planned along with winning the world cup.  I'm counting the days...

My New Love

This really makes me laugh just thinking about what I'm about to type, but here goes.


So recently I've had the 'girlfriend hole' in my life filled.  Not with a person but with an activity.  That activity is Quidditch.  I joined my university's club team this school year and there has been no going back.  I love it.  Any time I'm not playing it I feel the slight pain of unhappiness and longing.


I talk a lot in this blog about how big of a nerd I am, and I think I down play how much of an athlete I am as well.  I'm a pretty big guy, 6'3" 190lbs.  I've played sports for more than 80% of my life, whether it was starting out with soccer, baseball, basketball, football, volleyball, and now quidditch.

I think I love quidditch so much because it's pretty much an outward expression of who I really am.  While it's an intense sport(I came home this weekend with several bruises and feeling like one giant sore muscle) you're still playing a sport from a fantasy novel, with a broom between your legs.

My team is great!  I think we're all kindred spirits, even though I only met and started playing with them a little over a month ago it feels like we've known each other for years.  Just about all of my team are people like me, former competitive athletes who also happen to be giant nerds and geeks.

We played in, and won, a quidditch tournament in Colorado this weekend, which we won, out-scoring our opponents 480-70 in four games, not including snitch catches(which are only worth 30 points in the muggle version), so in other words, we were dominant.


Anyway, we're headed to the Quidditch World Cup in New York City in three and a half weeks from today, it's pretty exciting.

I'm sure right now some of you are thinking, "Really?  Muggle Quidditch? ..." or "REALLY!? MUGGLE QUIDDITCH!? !!!" Either way, here are some links you may be interested in:


The International Quidditch Association. 

Quidditch World Cup V.

From Here On Out...

So I switched up my blog a bit since I like to 'live in the now'.  I've decided to put the whole 'waiting' thing behind me.

In the end I became a relic of Hannah's old life and therefore represented something she was trying to get away from.  Hannah and I still see each other occasionally, but I've stopped thinking that anything is going to happen and it's more the fact that Hannah is a good friend in that she's reliable, and if she says she's going to do something, she does it.

From here on out this is a post-waiting record, in other words, my normal life blog.


At work Saturday night we hit a real slow patch and since there was a good group on we all congregated on the point to talk.  After some conversation we discovered that there are only three or four of us aides on the floor who aren't in some form of relationship.  This sparked a discussion on how they were going to get us all girlfriends/boyfriends.  I just chuckled.  One of the things that really bothers me is how single people seem to make coupled people uncomfortable.  Honestly, along with some obvious things, that is one of my biggest peeves about being single, all of a sudden you have no friends.  I've been literally told by one of my old buddies that I "could come if [I] had someone to bring."  What is that crap?


Anyway, as they were brainstorming who I could ask out my dating history, most notably that in the past 20 months I've been on less than a handful of dates, a statistic that is apparently up there with the older nurses who have given in to the idea of permanent bachelor/ette-hood.  When asked why I tried to explain that I like to get to know girls before I ask them out, mostly because I dislike playing "Dating Go-Fish."

My coworkers were all in agreement that I just need to start going on dates.  I have been working on putting myself out in the social sphere, I joined an intramural football team which I've been voted team captain for, I've been playing some Muggle Quidditch which has been a welcomed way to put my athleticism and nerdiness at peace with each other.


I have decided start considering being more liberal in my dating practices, though it will be hard to put the old ways behind me as they were generally successful.


So... peace-out waiting blog...

About Last Weekend...

So last weekend was probably in the top two worst for me. Ok, maybe not the whole weekend, really it was really only a bad 1/8th of a weekend....
It started off great! Conference, quidditch in the park, conference take two, priesthood sesh(sorry girls, you miss out, I think it's by far the best of all...), a full night of sleep, to The 'Rents for chocolate muffins, conference take three and four, spent the afternoon/evening hanging out with Smartypants, then after that it kind of went downhill in a big hurry.


As much as I try to disguise my emotions from the general population, there is one thing that makes me feel so intensely that I struggle to suppress it: feeling like a disappointment to people I care about, especially The 'Rents. Case and point, I loved the movie Inception, but I will admit there was this part that made my face all tingly, which is an indication that if I don't focus I'm going to shed tears.

Man, when he finds the pinwheel he made in his father's safe it almost gets me every time.


Yeah, so I have mommy and daddy issues...


Smartypants has been an invaluable friend through the beginning of this week, apparently she understands that I don't really want to talk through it, I just want to put it out there and put it behind me.  Which I feel is a rare skill with women.


Anyway, I ended up missing a math midterm worth 20% of my grade, but after enough begging and pleading my professor decided to give me a one-time chance to take a different and more difficult version of the test. Is it sad that after hearing the class average was 88%  I'm actually excited for a more difficult version of the test?


So, there's a win.