I finally overcame my pride. Well, not really, I just redirected it.
After a few days of thinking, and being angry and confused(which was compounding my anger) I got over feeling that I just needed to ignore Hannah for the next 5 and a half months. I really wanted to, I realize now that it was mostly my wounded pride thinking, "Fine, have it your way, look me up in six months", then making a real effort at Melissa, or even Brandy.
In the past I would have just let it go, regardless of the reason given, because I didn't really want a serious thing. When the Fun:Work ratio became slim I'd decide it was probably time to start moving on. Why? Well, my objective for dating is to have fun and be content, since I'm not looking for more than that there's really only so much I'll put up with before I'm not having enough fun.
Obviously, after a year, this one's different. I finally decided to act aggressively, rather than roll over as I would in the past, I've confronted her head on. I told her I think she's being unreasonable, that if she really thought we wouldn't become "distant" over a year and a half at 2000+ miles then she has been fooling herself. I told her I am bothered by her pessimism and I informed her that I knew the risks from the first time she spoke of a mission, and I'll decide how I'll deal with them.
I also inquired as to if there was a reason that she waited so long, why now? If she was so worried about me wasting my time, and wanting me to move on, why wait 13 months? I also asked why the escalation after it was established that we both independently settled on the same plan for when she gets home, I assumed that would calm her rather than trigger an implosion.
In a nutshell I told her that I'll do as I see fit, waiting was and has always been my choice and I'll do it the way I want. I choose to be an optimistic realist and I don't appreciate her pessimism. Finally I reminded her that she's still on her mission, she needs to focus on that, she's not her "normal" self, and that the best strategy is probably to just wing it when she gets home anyway.
3 comments:
i am giving you a standing ovation right now. :D
Hey man, even though we have never met and I don't really know that much about you, I think you did the right thing. My guess is that she just got freaked out after a conversation with one of her companions and she reacted. Missions tend to do weird things to people. As they are out walking around talking to people, sometimes they just have too much time to think. I know I did on my mission. And if she gets home and is still weird about everything, well, then you lucked out because you didn't marry a girl that suddenly turned weird when she was in her 20s.
Love Tripp
Tripp-
I'm glad you mentioned the whole freaking out over something her companion said. When she wrote the letter she had been with a new companion for a week, and I also know that companion wrote off her Wait-er a couple months ago. So that was something I was considering.
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