There was a letter waiting for me when I got home today, addressed from Hannah. I was surprised, she's held so strongly to the ultimatum she gave me last fall. Considering I haven't mailed a letter in a month I didn't really expect anything, but checking the mail about mid-week is a residual habit now. Another thing that is still a residual habit? Getting excited when I see a letter from Hannah in the mail.
Getting mail from Hannah used to make my day! Seriously, I'd have one of those stupid smiles on my face for hours after checking the mail and reading her correspondence. Now it's the opposite, out of habit I still get excited when I see that envelope sitting on the table. When I finish however, there is no stupid grin, only words of frustration. Her letters seem on par with those birthday cards from the great-aunt you haven't seen in 10 years, no real content; some rambling about things that are important to her but don't really interest you; a few specific questions, just specific enough so that you know she knows whom she's writing to.
I just sat here for a minute, the letter unfolded in front of me thinking, who is this person? Do I even know? How do I reply? She only asked me three of the most general questions she could: "What have you been up to?", "How's your new job?", and "Are you happy it's Spring?" To be honest these letters only make me feel like I'm doing the right thing in my recent efforts to move on.
Will I write back? Of course, I'm not a jerk. What will I say? Who knows, I'm pretty much trying to figure out how to say, "Look me up if you ever become normal again." in a way that doesn't seem mean, self-centered, or altogether to douche-baggy. Because that is what I'd like, I think socializing too much, too early would be the final nail in the coffin for the Hannah Era of my life.