12 July 2011

Ugly Duckling Syndrome.

At work they've started making all the relatively new people work off-shifts.  This means if you work the night shift they're going to make you work a couple day shifts per month.  Apparently they want everyone able to work any shift well, just in case.  In the last few weeks I've worked with Kyndra a few times.  Kyndra is a really cure girl, and she's funny, which is always a plus.  Kyndra and I flirt, a lot, at work.  I know she's into me.

One problem.  Kyndra is the girl all the guys want.  Now those of you who know me are probably thinking, "But Chris, you're sooooo full of yourself, are you not up to the challenge?"  No I'm not.  Call it one of the lessons that came out of my relationship with Liz.  I'm not a jealous person at all, but I am competitive like no other.  The problem when I try to date the girl all the guys want is that, even though she already picked me, I still feel like I have to compete just as hard to maintain that decision.  

It's like in distance running.  It's hard at the beginning to see everyone burst out of the starting block, you want more than anything to keep with the pack, but if you try you begin running their race and before you know it you're burned out and winded.  You have to run your own race.

I'll admit, my inability to run my own race stems from having low self-esteem.  I know, "WHAT?!?!"  It's Ugly Duckling Syndrome.  That's a Shallow Hal reference that no one ever seems to get, allow me to explain.  Ugly Duckling Syndrome occurs when someone takes time, say until late in the high school years, to transform from their awkward, ugly, baby-fat, pre-teen appearance into their mature, beautiful form, but still have the personality of that ugly kid.  I won't say I was ever UGLY, mine was more a Social strain of Ugly Duckling Syndrome.

In Middle School I was an outcast, big time.  I was known as a huge nerd/geek and I felt like crap.  Honestly, I hated myself and who I was.  When high school rolled around I ended up attending a school that my middle school didn't feed into.  I knew no one, so I was free to re-invent myself.  In high school I was definitely known as more of a jock, but in my mind I was still that geeky, awkward, 13-year-old outcast from middle school.  I still am.

Hannah was much the same way.  She's always been beautiful, but she was always outshone by her friends blatant attention grabbing techniques, so she was always in the background and accepted that role.  Obviously she doesn't fit based on my small battle in The Story: Episode VI with Tyson.

I guess I need to date girls with Ugly Duckling Syndrome so that I don't have any flare-ups of my own UDS. 

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