So Hannah will be back in the Salt Lake Valley in two weeks and two days. I decided that it would be best for her to come to me in her own time. I'm not going to push contact or communication, she knows how to reach me, so she can. When I was telling BangsMcCoy this last night, however, she indicated this was the wrong choice. It's possible that this is one of those instances where guys and girls just don't see situations in the same light.
Personally I feel I'm making the best choice, Hannah has indicated in letters that she wants to rediscover herself when she gets home, and I think that's a good idea. In my male brain my planned tactic seems to facilitate her wish.
Now it's your turn! I want to hear from you. I know you're out there and reading. How would you want it handled if you were in Hannah's position? How do you think I should handle the situation?
7 comments:
Girls and guys just think so differently. I personally think what you are doing is exactly what Hannah says she wants. But, if experience is any indicator, she just won't call you. I think this Far Side comic best sums it all up.
http://www.unrequited-love.com/2010/05/same-planet-different-worlds/
Who knows what is going on in her head? In the end, I really think it's all about luck; you guess what you think she is thinking and if you somehow guess right, you win. And if you guess wrong, you lose. I say follow your gut about how to respond to her. Everyone will give you different advice but they are all guessing just as much as you are.
Sometimes girls say one thing, but really mean another thing. Sure she may want to find herself again and get out of missionary mode. But don't let her do it on her own! Be her friend, be there for her, and when you feel the time is right, make your move! Don't let her make the first move, she probably never will since she won't know if you're still interested. You waited 18 freaking months for this girl, you deserve to find out if anything will come of it. Go see her after she's been released, let her know you'll be there for her. Oh and don't hide your emotions toooooo much, that will just confuse her and think you only like her as a friend. Don't be afraid to let your tender loving side come out, girls kind of love that.
You better tell us how it goes, the story ain't over yet and we're all anxious to hear it!
before i read your entire post, i was immediately screaming NO! YOU MUST CALL HER. girls are funny that way-we tell you to go away, but we think its romantic and chivalrous when your passion is so strong that you just cant listen to us and you call/come over/beg us to marry you.
then i read the part about "discovering herself" and i calmed down a little. only a little. she wrote all that stuff as a missionary. she wont be a missionary when she gets home and even though it will take her a while to transition to real life, i cant imagine that all guys will be giving her the space you are planning on.
if you have even the slightest inclination that you are still in love and want a future with her, i wouldnt wait. maybe you dont have to go running to her, but acknowledge she is home. send flowers and a short note or whatever is cool for the kids these days. it will show you are respecting what she said,but also letting her know that you havent "given up." smc
I say two things.
1. Don't be stupid. Call her.
2. Maybe give her a lot of space and go visit a friend far away out of state...
It all makes perfect sense to me! She's the one who has kind of pushed you away, if she wants you, she can come get you! That's just the way it works.
If I were her, I too would like to figure myself out. What I want from life, and who is going to fit in.
I think space is good. I think her coming to you makes sense. It's logical, and that's the way I like it!
And I sort of disagree with those other girls... I 99.9% of the time say what I mean. I think assuming the other person is going to somehow just know what you want is a big mistake. That's when horrid miscommunication happens, and lost chances take place. Say what you mean, and mean what you say.
I know I'm late to the party, but did you notice that 3 out of the 4 girls said to call her? Part of the burden we guys have to carry is that WE have to be the ones to ask girls out, to call back, to propose, basically to be the chaser. You don't have to call her the day she gets home. But you should call her before her homecoming, even if it's just to say that you're happy that she's back and you will be there at the homecoming.
@DC-
While normally you'd be right, I think the situation is abnormal, which requires an abnormal response. The way I see it, she left, she's been gone, she's coming back. The ball is in her court. Not only would me contacting her first(and out of the blue) seem over eager, it's a little be clingy.
No, she needs to contact me first, at least to say, "Hey, I'm home now."
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