28 November 2010

Body Language

I haven't been written off yet!


Sometimes, I'm surprised by that fact.  As a communicator I'm very aware of non-verbal cues, but I've never been privy to just how reliant I am on them until this whole written correspondence thing.  I really should've known, I've never liked talking on the phone, I feel completely disarmed and don't know what to say.  Writing letters is very similar, I have no context for what I'm reading.  I think it's worse because I knew Hannah so well, and now she's changing as a missionary and I don't have a good frame of reference when judging her written words.  It's really confusing, I'm probably over-thinking everything, but that's what I do, I just don't talk about it, thus I type it here.


I'm still expecting to get written off any week.  Probably between my upcoming birthday and March, that's been consistent, interestingly Hannah is one of only two girlfriends I've had who have survived an entire winter.  I wonder why that is, I have heard people get depressed in the winter, most likely because of the lack of sunlight.  I've always enjoyed winter, it usually means more time spent cuddling watching movies or what not, which I'm always a fan of.  Of course that could indicate the problem, I could easily see how I might be considered boring during the winter because I don't want to do much, I like to stay in and be warm for the most part.  I think it's tough, this time of year is always a lonely time to be alone, and it's one of those perpetual things, I don't do anything because I'm unhappy, and I'm unhappy because I don't do anything.


I guess I can't say I don't do anything, I've actually decided to try going on dates again to grind through the winter.  Some prospects look promising, including a girl I met who may be my exact personality clone.  But I won't get my hopes up.  I'll play it safe.

6 comments:

Ashley said...

i hate commenting when i dont know people.. but i do it anyways obviously because here i am.

winter has always been miserable for me.. growing up in a town that is COVERED in snow was horrid.. it wasnt until this year that i decided i can be happy. So every day i wake up to snow covering my car.. i smile.. because thank heavens i have somewhere i have to go...

i dont like preaching either..
but coming from experience... i know waiting is such an admorable thing... but sometimes i really wish i had just written my missionary off.. so i could do those things like date.

the two years i waited for my ex husband was horrible becuase i never actually let myself fall for anyone. i kept them at arms length so they never got close to me...

singlemormonchick said...

internet and eventually long distance dating is also tough because of the lack of body language. i think its part of my problem because i am great on text and im and pretty fantastic on the phone, but i wonder sometimes if things fall flat in person. they dont seem to, but my post divorce dating career is a dismal failure.
cant wait to hear about your clone, but i am thinking that you probably wont get the pink slip from hannah.
i also agree about hunkering down and snuggling up in the winter. soooo cozy.

Waiting On A Sister Missionary said...

Ashley-
I think I know what you mean, This Fall/Winter has been a little depressing, the last two years this time has signified when I'd go and spend weekends with Hannah down at school. To be honest I think one of my biggest hurdles to dating are Liz and Hannah. I'm pretty picky when it comes to girls I date now, and really dating two girls in a row that, I think, fulfilled my requirements has only seemed to justify my selection process. Plus I've always just let fate find people for me, I've never forced finding a relationship, I just float along until one drops in front of me.

Waiting On A Sister Missionary said...

SMC-
I know the difference between digital communication and face-to-face. I'm pretty flirty in texts, it gives me a false sense of courage, because I'm pretty shy face-to-face. I think the extra time to think about what to say builds confidence.

I tip my hat to you though, I could never develop a relationship long distance, sometimes it seems like maintaining a relationship while Hannah was 3 hours away at school was hard enough. Especially since when I find someone I like to be with them as much as possible, making that 6 hour trip was rough sometimes, but I did it every weekend for 4 semesters, and every trip was worth it.

aly said...

sometimes i wish i knew you. you sound like a male version of me on a lot things, except i'm not dating while waiting. but what you've said about the church, shyness, thoughts on waiting...so similar.
though, you may be pulling an MBP and you're really some weird older person who doesn't have anything better to do than write a fake blog, then you're nothing like me. haha
i love my mishy, he has 2.5 months left, but i've always hated talking on the phone, and i don't talk much in person. i write well, but its been so long and i feel like our relationship has changed so much, i have nothing to write about anymore except that i'm hating school. i miss being able to talk without saying/writing a word. sometimes a glance or a smile, smirk at a precise time says so much more than i can actually write down on paper.

Waiting On A Sister Missionary said...

I've kind of wondered since that happened with MBP if people would think that here as well. I guess to address my anonymity, it's mostly so that people I write about won't know I'm writing about them. When Hannah gets home I may switch to all of the real names, and fix the details that I changed to throw off the people I know personally who probably follow this. Mostly because I'm a nice person I wouldn't speak negatively about anyone if there was a chance they'd find out.
As far as being an "older person", well as Utah standards go I'm reaching the upper-limits as far as my age, for being unmarried, but considering mathematically you can assume that Hannah is or soon will be 22, unless I'm totally robbing the cradle, which let's face it, I probably totally could, I'm most likely the age I say I am.

Congrats for going 21.5 months so far! You're almost there! How has it been without dating? I mean, I usually don't have an issue not dating, the 8 months between Liz and Hannah is actually my shortest solo period since I first started dating.

I haven't been dating up a storm or anything. I like to think that having Hannah allows me to be as picky as I want until she comes home, so if I find the perfect girl things might start getting interesting, but we'll see.