For those who've noticed my counter up top I'm closing in the six months remaining.
Sometimes I'm surprised I've made it this far, other times I'm surprised it's been as difficult as it has. Ever since the phone call on Christmas I've been really excited, which is something I've been trying to avoid. For the last few months I've been trying to keep my hopes low, but after hearing Hannah's voice, and having REAL communication again my negativity and cynicism on the matter has been shattered.
I find myself wondering what I will do when I see her, probably 7 months from today, for the first time in 1 year, 5 months, and 2 weeks. I definitely don't want to be a smother-er, the only sister missionary I ever knew got home and was engaged before her second Sunday back. I will want to be with her as much as possible, but at the same time I don't want to be with her so much that I have an impact on her re-assimilation and subconsciously shape her my way. I embrace our differences, I like that she'll openly disagree with me, I need that.
The other reason I don't know what I'll do is that I'm afraid. I'm afraid of becoming attached too quickly and then having the post-mission Hannah be no longer compatible with me. I guess that's my biggest fear overall. So many people were surprised that I supported Hannah's choice to serve a mission, a few even made it clear that they felt after a year and a half of dating we should've been getting married instead. I guess I'm afraid that it won't work when she get's home because that will mean I found a girl that was perfect for me and, not only did I let her get away, I helped her out the door.
I won't deny, Hannah and I have become distant in our letters. I think it taking nearly a month to get responses to specific question has made real two-way communication impossible. I'm given hope by the phone call, and how easy talking again was. I'm hopeful, but I'm trying to be pessimistic.