22 January 2011

The Wanderings of a Meandering Mind.

I've been a little stressed this week, I feel like I've been playing Diplomacy non-stop.  A job hunt and interviews, training the new guy at work, another serious letter from Hannah.

I tend to over-focus when I'm under stress, as a coping mechanism my mind wanders any time it's not busy.  The topic really ranges far and wide- what I'd do with super-powers, whether I believe Relativity or String Theory, the future of space exploration, how Heroes could have ended, how well I would do on Survivor, what kind of genetic advantages or disadvantages future children with Hannah might have.

The letter from Hannah wasn't really "bad" serious, I guess I would consider it the beginning of a pre-homecoming discussion- how we've each grown and changed the last year, how to play it when she comes home, etc.  I think we're both a little surprised with how much we're both on the same page with some things.  She says she wants us to be with each other a lot when she gets home, but still have some time alone to re-find herself, I've already mentioned how big of a concern it is for me that she has that.  She thinks I've put her on a pedastal, I probably have in some ways, I'm aware of her faults but I've still found it difficult finding girls who measure up.

Hannah did tell me that she prayed about whether she and I are right to be married to each other.  When I read this sentence my stomach turned, how many times have I heard this story... Girl prays about FEC, gets affirmative answer, guy goes into debt buying the ring so they can be married ASAP.

Tangent Alert:  What's up with guys in Utah going into debt for rings?  Moreover, what's up with the girls thinking they're such geniuses for making the guy pay off the ring before they'll set an actual date?  If I was a chick and a guy went into debt to buy my ring I'd probably say "No."  First off, marriage is a pretty big deal, if you haven't saved to buy the ring in full before proposing I think two things, either the ring is WAY too expensive and you went outside your means to buy it, or you haven't seriously been considering marrying this girl long enough.  Call me old fashioned, but I always though the engagement ring was supposed to be representative of what the man could provide, I've heard that the ring should cost about two pay-checks or one month's pay.  I think that's reasonable, based on my expenses, even playing it safe that's only about three months of saving, plenty of time to consider if I really want to be doing this. 

Back to Live action.

Hannah told me she prayed about whether she and I should get married.  Her answer she feels she got was that she isn't ready to know.  Good answer, I know for a fact we're not ready.  Spoiler:  For those who think that they'll see an engagement announcement here in eight months, I'm going to have to disappoint you.  It's probably somewhat blasphemous to say, but Hannah and I have our own lives, and I hope to some extent we always do.  That's the thing, when both parties are ambitious a young marriage usually(almost always) means someone has to give up their ambition to support the other's ambitions.  I've seen it in just about every young married couple I know, whether friends or siblings.  I guess, to me, waiting two years for marriage is a low price for both parties getting to keep their dreams.  So those of you who I've so recently disappointed, I'm sorry, I don't know about Hannah, but you won't hear about this person getting married for 2.5-3 years at the least.  Doubt me?  You should talk to the girls in my seminary class who scoffed when I said I wouldn't get married 'til 25 at the youngest.


singlemormonchick said...

i believe you. i think 25 is a good age to get married-brain fully developed, but not old. :) you are a smart guy and i think you need to allow for the possibility that things could happen that you might get married before. despite your ambivalence about personal revelation, it could surprise you. be open. i am all for anyone bucking against the lds system of dumb tradition. keep blogging so we know!!

Waiting On A Sister Missionary said...

Ambivalent is probably a good way to describe me.

I always allow for the possibility of change, but if I've learned anything, it's that timing is key. I've heard countless times that you shouldn't let worldly reasons keep you from getting married, however, it seems to me it's usually those worldly things that lead to divorce.

The way I see it is you might as well wait and set yourself up for success rather than risk it and hope the trials make you stronger and not pull you apart.

I've mentioned before that I've got to do this right, I refuse to get married more than once. I have one shot, I plan on making it count.