It's probably safe to say this blog about my personal experiences waiting for Hannah, a sister missionary, has run it's course. However unsuccessful or disappointing it may have been I did learn a few things while doing my time:
First off, I would never wait for a missionary again. It really has nothing to do with me being upset or jilted. I thought I was being really smart in the way I was waiting in that I wasn't "exclusively waiting." What it took me over a year to realize is that there is no "smart" way to wait. The smart thing to do is to not ever let yourself get too close to anyone who may go on a mission. It really is an impossible situation, you want to date, but that missionary will always be floating around in the back of your mind. Of course, if you're the type who can decide if they want to marry by the third date you can probably disregard this entire post, and probably the rest of the blog as well.
Next, a rather valuable lesson for me. I am not the rock or island I thought I was. I have always prided myself on my complete independence, and that any dependencies I do have are purely voluntary in nature. I think the last year and a half has proven otherwise. I do NEED some amount of emotional and physical intimacy or I seem to slowly start leaking emotion indiscriminately. Maybe I need a dog or something.
I also became more aware that I am a bit of a control freak when it comes to life. People who know me would probably laugh hearing that, mostly because when it comes to a lot of decisions I'm indecisive because I don't care. However, in life I need to feel like I have some element of control, I've really hated the amount of uncertainty that "waiting" has added to my life. I think the constant feeling that I'm going to be really happy or really depressed at some point in the near future is just too much for me, especially when that depends on something I can't control, i.e. Hannah.
I need to stop being so silly about dating. I won't ever stop being incredibly picky, but when it comes to dating I need to decide my goal and go for it. I need to stop treating the period from hanging out to boyfriend/girlfriend less like a war of attrition and take a more proactive role. I think I've been starting to make some progress with this my first goal has been to become more liberal with touching and physical signs of affection, and hopefully one day I'll be able to get into "dating mode in less than three months.
Finally, I need to live a little more in the present, rather than in a combination of the past and the future. Sometimes I feel like I need to, which stems from my control-freakishness towards life, but I really can't keep trying to predict what other people will do. I really just need to "live in the now" and stop basing decisions I make so much on what may or may not happen in the future.
I guess from a personal perspective waiting was good, I learned a few important things about myself, I was able to identify some weaknesses, as well as a few areas I stress about and need to cut myself some slack on. I would definitely not wait again, but would I advise other to avoid waiting as well? Perhaps not, sometimes people need to be knocked back a few notches to avoid becoming apathetic.