Today in the mail I got what will probably be one of my last letters from Canada. Recent letters have been a source of great frustration for me. I think it's because I can see these little glimmers of hope, which Hannah immediately apologizes for and slips back into missionary-mode.
For instance, in this letter she was explaining to me her plans for life once she gets home, and how she's excited to move on to the next epoch of her life. Then she made reference to an inside joke, which made me happy, it made me feel like she wasn't all gone. Then she goes into apologizing for being "trunky" followed by several strictly, and very, mission-related paragraphs. It, kind of, made me laugh afterward because nothing would make me happier than to hear all about how trunky she is, or how homesick she is, or how excited she is to see me.
I really hope I don't come off as that guy who needs the perfect woman. I wonder if Hannah is so worried about seeming "trunky" because I might see it as a sign of weakness. She apologized profusely for crying in front of me before she left, but honestly I may have shed a tear if I experienced emotion like normal people.
I wonder, do I make Hannah feel like I expect too much? When it comes to what I say I want in a woman I'm probably a little hyperbolic, and maybe it's taken to far. Sometimes I worry people think I expect too much. I'm much more realistic than I seem at first.
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