23 June 2010

Not a Chick Flick

Yesterday was Liz' wedding which means it's the honeymoon, but I'm not thinking about that.  I'M NOT THINKING ABOUT THAT.  I'M NOT THINKING ABOUT THAT.

I can't say I felt any of that relief, emancipation, or closure that people tell me finally comes from your Ex getting married.  Honestly, I just kind of quietly floated into indifference.  Now that it's all in retrospect I have to ask myself the tough questions:  What's the deal?  You've got Hannah(more or less)!  Liz and I have been apart for two years!  You're not ready for marriage anyway!  Well I know what the deal is, it's more like a lot of medium-sized deals clumped together.

  • Liz was my first love.  Mushy right?  Sure I dated Ashley for a long time, but I'm well aware that it was one of those high school things where I was immature and just doing things that I perceived to go on in a boyfriend/girlfriend situation, monkey see, monkey do.   
  • Liz was the first girl who dumped me.  Simple as that, it ended before I was ready for it to end.  Plus it was slightly "out of the blue" as far as I was concerned at the time.  Those two firsts combined...
  •  The regrets.  I can look myself in the mirror and say that I didn't do my best with Liz.  Because of this, as my Dad would tell me, I contracted the "shoulda-coulda-wouldas" and can't help but wonder what if I had done my best, or even just better than I did.  This was a real wake up call for me, I always thought my Dad was being annoying when he'd say stuff like that.
  •  No second chances.  Unfortunately for me at the time, I don't live inside a chick flick or romantic novel.  We're told "Love conquers all!"but I'm pretty sure that only applies when both parties are involved.  Whether I had confessed my undying love, challenged the new guy to a duel, or interrupted a wedding it wouldn't change a thing, I knew it, and it sucked.
  • Smaller deal:  Liz had a quick turn around.  While I was still having internal issues months later, she started dating the man who's now her husband about three weeks later.  Kind of like salt in the wound. (Yes, the were internal issues, my mom didn't even know until two months later when she asked, "Why don't you bring Liz over here anymore?"  Yeah, my Mom is a pro...)
I mentioned to Hannah a few weeks ago that I had gotten Liz' wedding announcement, and how it was a little depressing for me.  True to form, she had my back.  Hannah is really cool like that, no matter how quirky, eccentric or just plain odd I think or feel, she always understands what isn't always easy to express.  I know it's a bit strange to have had all those feelings about Liz, but all the while I was going to bed thinking how much I missed Hannah, and that I knew, given the choice between the two, it would be an easy one.

On a happy note, Donna got married today.  She looked great, and is obviously very happy.  That also means the countdown begins today, if a child is born to her on or before Aug. 24, 2011 I will make her name it after me!


True Aggie Girl said...

This isn't about your new post, but I just wanted to let you know that I love the music that's on your blog!

Waiting On A Sister Missionary said...

Thank you!

I tried to select a good sampling from some of my favorites.