A little psycho-analysis

I think every male, no matter who they are has, or has had, the fantasy of being a bit of a play-boy.  You've seen them everywhere: Movies, TV, those guys at school who made out with half the girls your grade.  I think part of every guy really wishes they could do that, me included.  There are probably many reasons why other guys can't be like this: maybe they respect women too much, maybe they're not attractive enough, maybe they haven't got the charm, maybe they fear women.  None of these are quite my reason.


I tend to think psychology is a load of crap.


It's almost completely subjective and quite a few psychological symptoms can manifest similarly.  I am a big proponent of self-analysis though, I think people can easily be their own shrink if they really think about it.  I tend to do it a lot, consider why I think what think, or do what I do.


It seems like most of my friends and other people I affiliate with are the type of people who've had 30+ different make-outs, personally I'm sitting on four right now.  I've always been jealous of that ability, I've told myself I'm going to be like that, I just can't do it.  So far it seems to be the one exception to my "I can do anything I put my mind to" mantra, because I've put my mind to it a lot and it's never worked out.


I've decided to accept that I can't be that way because of my upbringing.  My family has never been big on physical forms of affection.  I can't remember a time my Mother kissed me, I could count the times she's hugged me in the last 5-10 years on my hands, probably one hand for my dad.  I've realized that, even though I enjoy being hugged, kissed, etc., I can't bring myself to do these things easily.  I don't think it's a serious issue, I just find it hard to decide when those kinds of things are completely appropriate.  Of course, this disorder is still effected by my mirror effect, if I'm with a "hugger" I'm more likely to give hugs, but if not, I probably won't.  For instance, with both Hannah and Liz we had been hanging out 3-4 times a week for almost 3 months before we started hugging.


I think I've begun to improve, I've started to get more comfortable giving hugs earlier, but it still takes a lot of thought, and a lot of courage build up.  I hugged Smartypants after the third or fourth time we got together, not without significant mental effort however.  Due in part to time constrictions, and also for my want to eliminate this issue I have, I've been trying to work this over in my mind with regards to Smartypants.  I suppose I have a few long nights at work coming up which will give me lots of time to deliberate.