03 May 2010

Guilt Riddled

Today at work my biggest weakness was once again made painfully obvious.  Shyness.

When it comes to girls I find attractive I am all but incapable of starting a dialog.  I smile, wave, say hi, but that's where communication ends.  All the while, I just keep thinking, "there she is, say something!" or "There she is again, say something this time!"  But alas, I can not.  This holds especially true when I'm in a position where, if I don't say anything, I'll never see them again; or in a situation where a conversation would not normally begin naturally(like work...).

Today at work there were nursing students/future CNAs getting clinical evaluations.  Sure many of them were attractive, I mean they're obviously all driven ambitious girls which automatically grants them serious points.  On top of that most nurses with longer hair wear it in a ponytail on the floor.  But there was this one that really stuck out.  Most guys wouldn't have pegged her as the "Hot One" of the group, but she was seriously very attractive to me and not only by physical appearances.  There's just a way that certain girls carry themselves, how they walk or talk, how they treat the people around them, that sets them apart, and she was one of those girls.

Unfortunately, even though I saw her several times through out the day, there was never really an opportunity to talk.  Before I knew it she had left.  I really just kept second guessing myself, I kept coming up with a scheme, then thinking, "How would I react if I was on the other end?" Most of the time the answer was "laugh" or "feel really uncomfortable, then giggle as I walk away."  Seriously, the best I could come up with was, "Hey, I think you're attractive, I don't know if I'll ever see you again, here's my number./can I have your number?"

I dunno, that just seems incredibly forward, I don't know how I'd look at a person that said that to me.  In the end I walked away feeling like an entire branch of my "Tree of Fate" was lopped off.

All the while I feel guilty because Hannah has only been gone 2.5 months.  Even though we knew I'd date, and she even told me to, I feel bad that this girl, whose name I don't even know, got my heart pumping.


singlemormonchick said...

it an odd place you are in. you are in love with hannah, but she is away and you both agreed that you would date. one of the weird anomalies of our culture. be in love with someone else, but date! go on, date! i think you are just going to have to suck it up and date. it will get easier. not very helpful, huh? i always hate the "suck it up" advice,but its usually true.

Claire said...

I sure wish I could pull off the ponytail look. It would be so much easier...

I won't lie, if some random guy came up to me and said, "Hey, I think you're attractive, I don't know if I'll ever see you again, can I have your number?" I'd probably stare at them weird, or pretend not to hear you or something. I never understand how that happens...

Waiting On A Sister Missionary said...

Unless you have really short hair, you probably can. Most girls think of or use the ponytail as their last resort hairstyle, but I'd advise girls to throw it in once in a while, I know I'm not the only one.

I'm glad to know that I'm justified thinking that approach would've been a bad idea.