02 May 2010

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I make this solemn vow, that I will find my way to the meet market tomorrow, somehow.

I know that by going to a singles ward, especially one of the larger, more well know ones in the valley, while waiting for Hannah is like going into the belly of the beast, but I'm not afraid.  I have some weapons on my side.

First, I'm painfully shy.  Before I ever initiate a conversation with a female I spend my fair share of time trying to scout things out, judging the personality and what-not.  I don't feel awkward very often, nearly every time I do it's because mid-conversation I realize I have nothing in common with this person and see that the interaction is slowly headed towards a fiery crash.  It always reminds me of those lame texters where the conversation goes like this: You: "So are you excited to be back home?"  Them: "Yeah :)"  Conversation killed.  All the while, I think it's important to be able to savor the silences, I always feel like people who can't stand the silence are hiding something.

Then, I'm actually pretty picky, and let's be honest with each other, physical attractiveness is 100% of the first impression.  Sure it's not the only thing, once the mouth opens the stock could rise or fall considerably.  But in the fraction of a second you first make eye contact will all know judgments have been made.  First up, I've decided, as I've mentioned before, really anyone under about 5'6" is out.  More than a nine inch height difference is just too much, I don't feel like having to wear a neck brace later in life from all that bending down to kiss you.  Not only that, you're not a child, I don't like having to look down on you, I get uncomfortable.  I'd say, ideally, 5'8 to 5'10 is just right, any taller and I feel like I'm taking away your opportunity to wear heels. 

After height, I've found my number two judgment is on the hair.  I'm not really sure why, maybe it's because it's the only facial feature you can see from any direction.  Hairstyles definitely vary by the person, I do tend to lean towards longer, straight hairstyles, but I will say that there's something about a girl who can pull off a ponytail.  I know, girls always go to the 'tail at the gym, at work, on a bad hair day.  It's like the go-to "blah" hairstyle for girls, but I find it very attractive.

I know for girls weight is an important issue, it's like the 3-digit number from hell(I hope it's 3-digits if you're taller than, like, 5'2").  But I'll let you in on a little secret, guys don't put any stock in the number on the scale.  Why do you think we're always flexing in the mirror?     Hannah, for instance, is a lurp, long arms, long legs, long torso.  Personally I find that adorable.  Hmmm... Legs, add that to my number one most attractive trait...

Another thing is make-up, the less the better.  The more different you look without it the less I'm interested, unless it's tattooed to your face you'll spend more time without than with.  Hannah used to pull the whole "cat eyes" thing back in high school, not a big fan.  I say, if I can tell you're wearing make up it's probably too much, I'm not a big fan of eye-liner, eye shadow, or lipstick.

As far as non-physical features, I have to say, I tend to be attracted to the girls who flew under the radar in high school.  The best type of girls are the ugly ducklings, The girls who had more on their minds in high school than boys and looking cute.  That's how I'd hope to raise any future daughters I may have.  I'm all about intelligence.  I love to argue current events, lot's of times I'll play devil's advocate just to instigate.  I mean, who hasn't walked away from an debate over a big topic, religion, ethics, government, and finished with their heart pumping with all the excitement?  I like a good mental challenge.  I also like an open-mind.  Nothing is a larger turn off for me than someone with the My-way-or-the-highway, with-me-or-against-me mindset.  I feel there is merit in any opinion, and sometimes you can use another's differing opinion to streamline your own.  You can't do that if you're not listening.

Now I know a lot of debate is always stirred up with this topic, so I'll try to be clear.  I'm not down with the girls who are just floating 'til marriage.  I don't plan to have kids right after I get married, I plan to get my marriage down pack before I add in a variable like that.  What would a woman do during those  years before children?  I like a girl with passion and ambition.  Sure, being a mother is the most important job a woman can have, but I would want my wife to be more than a person fabrication machine.  Plus I think there are real world experiences in college or in a career that can be priceless to pass on to your children.

Finally, my type is not Molly Mormon.  There's nothing wrong with those girls at all, in fact, I respect them.  However, I'm also intimidated by them.  I think we all know people who are these spiritual giants, some people are attracted to that, others aren't.  It's not to say spirituality is a turn off for me, it's a necessity.  But from past experience I think I'm just not the type who works well with that type.  I'm too skeptical, too malleable for a relationship to be successful.  Here it's important to just agree to disagree sometimes.  Hannah has decided she's not going to watch rated-R movies.  I honor that, I would never ask her to change, even if it does frustrate me sometimes.  I just watch them on my own.

All in all, I know you're never going to find your "dream companion."  A good wife/husband isn't the person who meets all of your preferences, they're the one whose faults you can most easily live with.  Really, I should list faults in order of worst to least.

I've allowed this to drag on far too long, but I hope it was comprehensive.  Now to bed, church is in the morning.


Rachel said...

GO TO CHURCH!! You can do it! I believe in you!!!

I really enjoy your blog, by the way. I can't remember exactly how I stumbled across it, but I'm glad I did.
It's always super interesting for me to talk to my guy friends and such about what kinds of girls they find attractive. I really like that you have the "floating til marriage" thing as one of the things you don't like...because those girls drive me INSANE and I don't understand how they all manage to get married! It makes absolutely zero sense, hahaha.

Good luck at the meet market! Don't forget to watch out for girls who are only tall because they're wearing heels! Haha. Can't wait to hear more about the wait.

singlemormonchick said...

very comprehensive and very interesting.
i still love that you prefer tall girls :) why dont other men(in general) think about the basics, like a sore neck from looking down all the time, when they are asking the short girls out?!
i love make up, but i am just as comfortable without it as i am with a full face of it. its like an accessory-it can add a lot if done properly, but if misused or overdone, it just kills the whole look.
i worry when you talk about the "spiritual giant" girls. hannah is going to be a spiritual giant when she comes back-are you going to be ready for her? not that i think you have to be her equal spiritually(kind of hard after 18 months of doing nothing but being spiritual), but dont you want to be prepared?
i am no spiritual giant, but i try to do things right. i am in church most sundays and try to read(notice i didnt say study)the scriptures every day. try to hit the temple at least once per month and i have all but eliminated the f-bomb from my vocabulary ;-) besides going to church most sundays, i dont even mention going to the temple or reading scriptures, yet most guys are intimidated by my "spirituality". one guy i dated said i needed to be a bishops wife. yikes. ridiculous.
the point of me droning on and lecturing you like a big sister is that i am saying you need to grow while hannah is gone. i think it would be heartbreaking if she came back and you had nothing to talk about because you slept in on sundays for 18 months.

Waiting On A Sister Missionary said...

I gladly accept your sisterly advice!

I know where you're coming from. I approach spirituality the same way you have. I try to do what's right. I think I used the wrong term when I said "spiritual giants." I guess I was still on a bit of a tirade after over-hearing conversation at lunch. Some people only perceive spirituality by what can be observed. I'm the guy who sits in the back and never comments. To most, I tend to look like a big slacker, but I'm just a listener.

I'll tell you exactly why guys like short girls. My friends were generally taller than average and always dated shorter than average girls. The consensus seems to be that they think it's cute when girls have to get on their tip-toes to hug/kiss them. I plan to have tall kids. Plus, more height equals longer legs.

Rachel, It's because that's what we men in Utah are told to look for. My mom graduated from college, she also worked because she had to. Sure, I probably have Mommy issues, but I think the advantages to having an educated, experienced mother brings more advantages than disadvantages. I'd rather my future wife could focus solely on the kids once we have them, but until then she should live her life so she can pass that wisdom on.

Claire said...

If you could possibly round up all the guys you know who DON'T want a "floater" and give them my number, that would be great. I can't seem to find any on my own...

Claire said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Waiting On A Sister Missionary said...

The Lego you're looking for is always the hardest to find.

Jenni said...

"Person fabrication machine," lol! If only it was that easy!

I've heard a lot of people say "Live it up now, before you have kids." As if a woman's life ends when she has children. I admit, I was a little worried about that before I had children. Becoming a Mother changed everything, though. I realized that the ambitions and passions I had before, while good, where kinda lame, in comparison. I've come to see that bringing these precious children here, being a Mom to them and teaching them the gospel are some of the most important things I can do with my life. I had no idea before how much joy I would feel listening to my son really talk with his Heavenly Father or watching my daughter teach the entire Primary about Christ's love for all of us. It's no wonder to me that our Heavenly Father, the ultimate "person fabrication machine," gets so much joy out of His work. My real passion now is to become just like Him someday, how much more ambitious can you get?

Lara said...

You do realize that Hannah is a "molly-mormon" just by the fact that she decided to serve a mission instead of finishing school or getting married (I assume she has not finished school since I haven't really seen you say she has) or by not watching rated-R movies?

Waiting On A Sister Missionary said...

I just realized I never wrote that entry all about Hannah.

She actually did finish her under-grad before she left.

Also I've come to realize everyone follows "modern commandments," like not watching R-rated movies, in their own way. For instance Hannah has told me that in Canada members watch R-rated movies all the time, and even discuss them in church! However, many don't drink hot chocolate because it's considered a "hot drink." haha

I also consider the fact that Hannah went on a mission because she wanted to, and not because she was 21 and unmarried kind of an "Anti-Molly Mormon" quality. But that's me.

jenerator said...

Ya know, if things don't end up working out with Hannah, I'm 5'10". ;)